In honor of finals...

...some words describing how I feel right now. (But way funnier.)

on the blindingly obvious

Yesterday in Con Law:

Prof. B: So let's say Capital Metro has a policy of not hiring people who are shorter than 5'7" because according to a study they've commissioned, people 5'7" and over are safer drivers. Your client is 5'6" and wants to challenge the policy. What would you do?

Classmate: Well, first, I'd commission more studies--

Prof. B: Well, ok...I mean, you can commission as many studies as you want, but that doesn't mean they're necessary. I read about this study once where the researchers discovered that male monkeys feel pain when their testicles are crushed. It's kind of like, "Duh! I could've told you that!"

on prescience

Scene 1. DAY. A classroom at the Law School right before class starts. STUDENTS are milling about, settling into their seats, taking out their laptops and pocket Constitutions. S walks in and goes to her desk, placing her backpack on the table.

B: Yarrrrrrrrrr!!! (Runs by and grabs backpack from S. It is a running joke that he steals something from her desk every time he passes by.)

S: That's it! I'm throwing down the gauntlet!

B: Whatever, would that gauntlet be like...this big? (Holds up hands about three inches apart.)

S: (In a British accent) I'll bite yer legs off!

(B, having gone to his desk, does not hear, but Prof. B does. He turns around and gives S a strange look.)

S's NEIGHBOR: We are totally getting called on.

Scene 2: 20 MINUTES LATER

S: (on IM) C. I really have to pee.

C: (on IM) You better get up and go now, before he looks up and calls on you.

S: (on IM) Yeah, I think I will--

Prof. B: (looks down at the seating chart on the podium, then back up.) Miss...P?

S: (inwardly) #@!(*^%!$!)$">#@!(*^%!$!)$(*@!

(Fade to black.)

NARRATOR: Let this be a lesson to you, kids. Don't quote Monty Python in class.