the "christians" are at it again!

The president of Oral Roberts University is apparently being investigated for financial misconduct. Among the allegations: his wife spent $39,000.00 of university money at Chico's in a year. Seriously, Chico's? At least buy some hot Louboutins with your ill-gotten gains.

Whoever said 3L year is a magical time of unbridled drunkenness is a dirty rotten liar.

I don't think Colt should've been cleared to play on Saturday. Are they trying to kill that boy? Angry Sooners + concussion + inexperienced and ineffective offensive line = disaster.

They're not offering Secured Credit next semester. Fabulous. Passing the bar on the first try is for gunners anyway.

just call me perez

Saw Scott Porter at Target last week. I didn't say anything to him because I didn't want to be "that" girl. A guy should be able to buy Doritos and Dr. Pepper in peace. Besides, what would I have said?

• Whoa, you can walk?
• You're hot.
• I HATE LAW SCHOOL TAKE ME AWAY PLEASE I'LL DO ANYTHING
• So, how 'bout them Huskers?
• Mmmmm...chips.
• You shop at Target? I shop at Target! Let's be friends!

I think it was best for all parties concerned that I just stared awkwardly instead.

chopin she ain't

My upstairs neighbor (not the crackhead) just got a keyboard. Unfortunately, she only knows how to play "Chopsticks." And there really isn't any way to make "Chopsticks" sound less chopsticky. Even if you play it really really fast or really really slow or add one of those variations that requires four hands. It's still "Chopsticks." And everyone knows "chopsticks" is Chinese for "really damn annoying."

more ridiculosity

Ridiculous conversation #4
SF: You know what I think would be really lucrative? A train link between Dallas and Houston.
Me: ...wait, are you kidding?
SF: What, you don't think it would make money?
Me: Well, sort of...I think Amtrak already has a Dallas-Houston route, but I don't think it does so well.
SF: Wait, Amtrak carries passengers?
Me: (staring)
SF: No, really, it carries passengers?
Me: Yeeess....
SF: Wow, I totally didn't know that. I mean, I knew they were a train company. I just didn't know they carried people. I thought they just carried cargo.
Me: Soo...when you read news stories about an Amtrak train derailing and it talks about "casualties," what did you think that meant?
SF: I dunno, luggage?

Ridiculous conversation #5
SF: Hey S, how much is tuition every semester?
Me: Probably about $8500, since I take out a $10000 loan every semester and usually have $1500 left after tuition is paid.
SF: Huh. That doesn't leave much for living expenses.
Me: No, it doesn't.
SF: So what do people do?
Me: I dunno, take out private loans, work at a big firm, get help from their parents...
SF: I see.
Me: Wait, we're about to start our 3rd year of law school and you're just now wondering how much tuition is?
SF: Well, I was thinking about the living expenses and I just couldn't figure out where my money was coming from.
Me: Well, that's a nice problem to have.
SF: No, really...clearly I'm spending more than $1500 on living expenses a semester, but I haven't taken out private loans or anything, so I don't know how I'm doing it.
Me: ....
--30 minutes later--
SF: Oh wait! I know where the money's coming from. I have a scholarship.

Huh?

Some people are so spacey that you wonder how they made it to adulthood without losing life or limb to some bizarre accident brought on by their own absent-mindedness/lack of common sense.*

Ridiculous conversation #1
Spacey friend: How's this for a quote? "In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king."
Me: What's a one-eyed man doing in the land of the blind? He can still see.
SF: Well, how about this? "In the land of the mostly blind, the one-eyed man is king."
Me: But if they're only mostly blind, then there might be other one-eyed men, which would erase the advantage held by the one-eyed man in your original quote.
SF: Oh. Hmm.

Ridiculous conversation #2
Co-worker: (leaving the office) Have fun playing poker. (To another coworker) Don't let him call just so he can see what cards other people have.
Me: (to SF) You call just to see what other people have?
SF: Yeah. (Shrugs)
Me: Why?
SF: I dunno, I'm just curious.
Me: Curiosity killed the cat.
SF: What does that mean?
Me: It's an expression...you know, like if you're too curious...never mind. Do you call to see what people have so you can see if they have tells?
SF: Nope, I just want to see what they have.
Me: Er. Don't you want to at least try and win?
SF: It's like a $2 buy-in. I'd rather know what people have.
Me: But you don't gain anything from knowing what they....oh, forget it.

Ridiculous Conversation #3
Me: (looking at a Google map) Hey, SF, you're from Houston right?
SF: Yeah.
Me: Can you explain why Google's telling me to take this route back to my apartment, but in the morning when I drive here, it just tells me to take this route? Couldn't I just take 288 south all the way back? Is there some wacky reason I have to go home a different way than I came?
SF: I dunno. Maybe the Loop only goes in one direction?
Me: Maybe...wait, what? Highways don't just go in one direction.
SF: (Shrugs)
Me: Riiight...

*Like the lady who set her apartment building on fire trying to light a candle. She was out of matches, so she used the stove to light a towel on fire, carried the flaming towel to her bedroom, and attempted to light a candle which was sitting on her bed. I mean, I guess she succeeded in lighting that candle...

deep thoughts

Questions I ponder on my way to work:
1. Why do motorcycles qualify for the HOV lane?
2. If 610 is a loop, why is it still an interstate? Doesn't being a loop kind of make you entirely intrastate?
3. Why does Houston like to merge two freeways of 2 lanes each into one freeway of 3 lanes without any warning to the people in the two innermost lanes? It's almost--though not quite--scarier than the infamous I-35 onramps.
4. Why do people suck so much?

edited to fix link