fan letter

Dear Michael Schur,

I read the article about your exploits regarding Hurricane Katrina and the driver of a certain Saab in The New Yorker today. I was especially impressed by this clause:

"Schur went to meet some friends, who agreed that a creased bumper, when measured against a calamity like Katrina, was trivial indeed..."

I'm glad you're using your Harvard education to such great effect, Mr. Schur. Have you and your friends also decided that water is wet, or are you saving that for next week?

Also impressive was the logical progression you used to get from "a damaged car is trivial compared to Katrina" to "I damaged that car but Katrina is bad, so I shouldn't have to pay for the damage I caused, and Saab Guy is a jerk for thinking I should pay, because think of the starving children and boo hoo!" There really are no words to describe the masterful way in which you turned your focus onto something completely irrelevant. I'm in awe. Maybe someday I'll be as smart as you.

I must fly, but one last thing. Making donations to the Red Cross Katrina fund under the name "Saab Guy Is an Asshole"? HI-larious! And so classy.

Kisses,
SP

p.s. I'm allowed to rear-end your car without consequence now, right? Because, Darfur? Rwanda? The Holocaust? Human behavior from pretty much the dawn of time? All terrible. So you shouldn't worry about the fact that I just put a dent in the bumper of your Acura TL. It's trivial. You said so yourself.